How to give a good blowjob and handjob: Starting from scratch
If you’ve arrived here, you’re probably wondering the same thing that many of us have at some point in our lives - how to give a good blow job.
The first time I learned about a blowjob was from a scene in the unrated version of the movie White Chicks, when one of the characters gives her girlfriends some tips.
She says, “Take the thing, and grab it, but not too hard, or else you’ll get calluses. Look that little sucker in the eye and say, ‘Come here little guy, you like that? Yeah, you do!’”
Needless to say, I was scarred, and swore that I would NEVER want to put a penis in my mouth, let alone touch one.
Fast forward to high school when I wanted to take the next step with my boyfriend - I had no idea where to begin. So, here I am, as your “big sister” to give you the basics of a handjob and blowjob, so that when it comes time, you are more than prepared. Or at least more prepared than teenage Elena.
Understand their body: Penis anatomy 101
Before we get into the tricks, let's go over some basic anatomy so you understand what I am referring to.
- Base: Where the penis is connected to the rest of the body
- Glans: Head of the penis (tip)
- Foreskin: skin that covers the head of the penis, and can be pulled back
- Shaft: Connects the glans and base, fills with blood when aroused
- Frenulum: where the shaft/foreskin meets the head, the most sensitive part of the penis
- Testicles: What we call “balls” and where sperm are produced
- Perineum: Area between anus and testicles
Preparation Checklist: Ensuring Comfort and Consent
Now that we have those covered, let’s go over my Readiness Checklist:
- Do I feel comfortable or am I doing this just to please them?
- Is my partner consenting? (continuously, not just at first)
- Am I in a safe setting? Do we have privacy?
If you said yes to all of these, yay! If not, wait until you feel like you can confidently check off each of these boxes. There’s no rush.
How to Give a Good Handjob: Laying the Foundation for Pleasure
Foreplay doesn’t just start at the penis. Slowly make your way down by kissing them, kissing their neck, add in a nibble here and there, kiss their stomach, breathe hot air on their inner legs. Foreplay is all about the tease. Move slowly!
Once you’ve moved down below, begin by lubricating your hand. You can either use some lube, or feel free to wet your hand with spit. I like to have a water glass nearby in case I’m nervous and my mouth is super dry. Water will help you form more spit. Without lubrication, it can really hurt your partner, and it's harder to move your hand up and down, so… the wetter the better.
Don’t be afraid to get messy! Start off slow, moving your hand up and down the shaft, pulling gently at the head. If you’re unsure how tight to grasp, ask your partner. Communication here is going to be key. Have them put their hand on top of yours, so they can show you the rhythm that they enjoy. Notice their body language. Does their breath increase when I move my hand faster? Do they moan when I slow down? Ask them, “Do you like that? Does this feel good? Show me what feels good.”
Unlocking Pleasure: Good Handjob Techniques to Explore
Each person likes to be touched differently, so there isn’t one magic trick to get your partner to cum. Nevertheless, these are some techniques to try out:
- Give some extra love to the frenulum. This is the most sensitive part of the penis, with the best potential for pleasure. Form your fingers into an O, and pull just at the head, bringing pressure to the top of the penis. You can also try just using a finger to glide around the frenulum.
- Try using both hands, twisting around the shaft in half circles, either up or down towards the body. Use the top hand to pull at the frenulum when you move upwards.
- Hold the penis at the base with your thumb and pointer finger shaped as a ring, (as if it’s a cock ring), while your other hand strokes up and down, pulling the blood towards the tip (not too tight) almost as if you are pulling a condom off, but in a massage-like way. Play with speed.
- Clasp your fingers together so that your thumbs are pointed directly at each other, and put the penis in between you and your clasped hands. Massage your hands up and down, and use your thumbs to rub the frenulum.
- Don’t forget about the balls! Very gently, you can massage the balls, tugging ever so slightly, and moving them in a circular motion. Balls don’t receive enough love!
Reframing the Blowjob: Prioritizing Pleasure Over Climax
Porn and our patriarchal structured world have taught us that the end-all-be-all goal of a BJ is to make a man cum, but this disregards the actual pleasurable experience of receiving a blowjob. Giving a blowjob can be an intimate, vulnerable experience, so instead of focusing on success = orgasm, think about it like success = a mutually pleasurable experience.
Now, for Main Event: How To Give a Good Blowjob
Warm up your jaw by massaging with the palms of your hands and yawn a few times.
Start off by kissing the head, flicking your tongue around the frenulum, and swirling it with lots of spit. Switch it up by sucking the frenulum instead of flicking with your tongue. Then, tuck your lips over your teeth, and begin sucking. Depending on their length, you can just stick to sucking the top, or move lower down to the shaft.
Add in your hands. Using the twisting technique from above, suck down, as you twist your hands, and up when you release them. This can mimic the feeling of deepthroating since your hands go lower on the shaft while the tip hits the roof of your mouth.
Throw in a seductive lick. Start at the base and slowly move up the shaft, as if you are eating a delicious cone of ice cream. Look up at your partner as you do this. Eye contact can be scary but so sexy! Smile! Tease as you move towards the frenulum. Make it fun for both of you!
Extra Tips and Techniques on How To Give a Good Blowjob
- Try blowing hot or cool air. Check in with your partner before doing so, but sometimes the air and change of temperature can be erotic.
- Moan when you go down on them, the vibrations in your throat will add an exciting buzzzzzz.
- Suck on the balls! Same as above, gently lick or place a ball in your mouth and provide light pressure.
- As you suck on the balls, move your finger underneath to their perineum, and rub gently. Be careful to not go too low and rub the anus. Or venture there if you both desire!
Frequently Asked Questions: Navigating Their Responses
How much longer do I touch them after they cum?
This can change from person to person, but the head of the penis becomes really sensitive after an orgasm, so, after the semen comes out, you can slowly, with little pressure, stroke the shaft for a few seconds to help the pleasure last…making sure you avoid the frenulum. Some may ask you to hold off from touching the penis altogether after they’ve cum.
“I gave them a handjob and they never came.”
This is super normal! There are so many factors that impact one’s ability to orgasm. It can take time to figure out your partner’s body and pleasure. Most of the time…it has nothing to do with you!
It can be helpful to ask your partner for kind feedback. The receiver can walk you through what they like, what turns them on etc, because how are you supposed to know if you don’t ask?
How do I know if they are about to cum?
First off, I would hope that your partner would let you know when they are close, but if not, just check in. Usually the signs are: tensing up, breathing heavily, moaning loudly, or a shudder. Prepare in advance how you would like to finish, whether that’s having them cum into a towel, on your body, or in your mouth. Communicate what you’re comfortable with so boundaries are respected.
In Conclusion: Practice, Patience, and Communication
Everything takes practice. Give yourself grace. Give your partner grace. Communicate your desires, and have fun! What an exciting time to explore your pleasure, and connect with your amazing partner.
*Disclaimer: I am a 22-year-old young woman, figuring out my own pleasure and tricks, so I am still learning. This is a space for us to learn together!
References:
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/23175-foreskin
Beducated- Handjob Mastery by Luna Matatas
Beducated- Learn How to Make Blowjobs Fun for Everyone
